


Because We're Okay

by hecking_kirb



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (its a letter), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, M/M, NOT A SUICIDE NOTE A, connors mind ig, i can spell i swear, its just a thought thing there's no diologe, there's no plot just connor explaining why he loves evan basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:19:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hecking_kirb/pseuds/hecking_kirb
Summary: Even after all the stupid shit I did. After all the times I almost broke you... you still stayed by my side.





	Because We're Okay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Dear Evan Hansen,

     Sometimes I ask myself, "do I deserve you?" 

Do I deserve to see your freckled smile, your adorable golden hair that covers up your eyes, sometimes. To hear you laugh and know that it's real. To see you smile a know that it's for me. And after everything I did to you, you still can say that you love me. 

And you mean it. You love me, and I know it's real.

But why? After I spend so many sleepless nights yelling, yelling at you. How I can't control the little spitfire that's in my heart. That you always seem to put out somehow. Because your smile is like a rainstorm, that turns the fire inside me to smoke. And even after you see the blood running down my hands, you just hug me. Even though you know that it's my own. 

And every time I try I regret it. Because it ends with your broken face fading away, again. And then I wake up, and you're gone. 

So I'm writing this because I'm too afraid to say it with my words. Because I'm scared they'll twist into hurt. I'm scared that "I love you" won't be in my vocabulary. And I'm scared that you won't look at me the same way you always have. 

I promise I won't leave. I won't leave, for you. And I promise I won't take away the pain by letting the blade go across my paper bones. I won't try to forget what I truly need to fix by erasing myself from this world. 

So Dear Evan Hansen, I just want to say,

Will you stay by my side, even if I'm in disarray? I'll hold your hand and hold you close. As long as I know that you won't give up on me.

Because I love you. And I mean that. Even if people don't believe it I do. And I promise I won't ever leave you. 

Well, I'm running out of room to write. So I guess I'll end it here. 

   Love, Connor Murphy

 

                        _I miss you._

**Author's Note:**

> This kinda went off on a tangent but thanks for reading anyways. I really liked writing this. Also I made it kinda short because i feel like connor would have so many things he wants to say to evan but he just doesn't know how to word it.


End file.
